Friday, May 7, 2010

How Disappointing....



So I am not really one to blog about unhappy things too often but tonight I really need to express something in words so can let it go.
I am a Ballet Teacher and I teach in all kinds of situations like I ran a studio for 4 yrs, Adult Classes where I live, technique classes for competition Jazz teams and floating sub work for a professional ballet school in Idaho Falls. With this being said I would like to re tell the following story to get it off my chest so I can forgive myself.
I am performing in the "Little Match Girl" for the Idaho Falls School of Ballet, and in my opinion, one of the finest Classical Ballet Schools in our area. I have been apart of this school either by taking classes are helping whenever I may be needed for two years now. I love Debra she is an amazing Ballet Mistress and I love to help her. She asked me to perform with the adult ladies in the year end show so she could be more dynamic with the choreography for that piece and I told her I would be there if she needed me. Though this past spring I have had a toe injury and had often wished that maybe I wouldn't have been so willing....lol. Non of this really has to do with what happened today but I thought I would give you some back ground on my situation in MY mind so you could feel as crazy as I do about today's happenings...
I have been to every class but a few since the choreography was set and every rehearsal ....but today I bombed. Have you ever done something that you can not BELIEVE that you did knowing the things that YOU know? Well that is what I did when I got ready, placed my pink shoes in my bag with my costume and was walking out the door at 4pm for a rehearsal in Idaho Falls. Realizing that I had not taken the schedule with me to look at while attending the rehearsal I walked in to get it from where I had LOOKED at it earlier that morning. And there it was the rehearsal time starring me in the face.....Ballet Scene 1 4:oo-5:oopm! WHAT! I hadn't even left the house yet. My heart stopped....how could this be how am I going to explain this to Debra...how could I have done this! Something, I ,myself would get mad at MY own students for doing? My heart sank as I tried to call, text anything to help figure out how to fix this....there was no way to. The rehearsal was only an hour and I lived 40mins from where it was being held. And wouldn't need to be back for rehearsal until 8:30pm later that night. I would end up drive 40mins for a 15min rehearsal. In debra's stress, she sent an awful text back, "this is a big problem for me!" I just sat and cried. How disappointed I was in myself, how unprofessional of me, how would I EVER going to make this up to her. I humbled, got ready and with a rock in my stomach went to the last rehearsal only to have one of her fellow teachers coldly say, when I asked where to put my stuff.."She done with whatever your in..." I knew that wasn't true but it was the sad truth that there was a hole for all to see during the rehearsal because I did the oldest trick in the book...."You can have all the talent in the world, but if your not there, your replaced!" Luckily, it didn't come to that tonight but it has been hard to swallow being a professional and all. It going to take some time to earn my trust back again with her. Wish me luck tomorrow we have a rehearsal at 10am-2pm.....performance later that night.

....and yes I checked the paper twice tonight!

5 comments:

periwinkle4 said...

oh hun! That is so hard! I'm glad you weren't replaced and I hope your practice today was great and the performance is wonderful! HUGS!

Jamie said...

Well, Nikkii. . . . dangit! One thing about life, we make mistakes. . we miss the bus sometimes. If I beat myself up over the mistakes I have made I would be black and blue all over. I am sure, (as we know), how much stress and pressure she is under. She needed to vent a little too. However, I think it's a little unprofessional for another "teacher" to say anything to you, that should all come from Debra. I bet she understands more than you think. . . could have happened to anyone. It's a small blunder in a long list of 'wonderfuls'. GOod Luck with your performance. Shake it off and blow the audience away with your talent!

Love You So Much,
Your Bestest Sister,
Jamiebug :)

The Neads said...

oh my goodness.. I can't even imagine the stress you were under knowing you missed something very important.. If this Debera lady is the wonderful lady you said she was, then she will forgive you and realize how awful you felt missing that.. hope all goes well...

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Brianna said...

hopefully it all worked out for you. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. we all have screwed up in our lives. Unforgiveness is the greatest sin of all! I would know, I'm living with a heavy heart myself. Forgiveness is also the hardest thing to do. love ya. moovin on!