Some of you may already know that my sister was in town for a week of so, which leads me to tell you the following. I do feel I need to explain were this has come, I was never really able to say to much about Jamie and I’s story because to be honest I didn't have words sometime....which is weird for me, I talk ALL the time. It seemed every time I would try I would just cry and say something easy. Which is so not the truth. But I feel after 2 years I can, for some reason its just easier to find the words and thoughts and have them come together. So bear with me this is my first attempt.
As small children we tend to look at each other as the same. There is no differences’, in our little minds, that make us different like money, clothes, family situations, disorders and illness. We just know you are fun to play with so lets play. Jamie and I were close from the start because we leaved out in the country and she was my closest friend. We shared everything our room, clothes, shoes and hair stuff because we were poor. I know now that one of the main reasons I was put into this family was so I could be with Jamie. I have not always felt this as I began growing up with her. It was hard as a child to try to understand why she got to have curtain things or get more attention from others then myself. I would often cry sometimes alone when she wouldn't want me around or would get special things from people. As I got older she was hospitalized more and her sickness was daily so I began to see why she was so special to everyone. I tried to swallow my selfishness and learn to have charity. To which I am still working on trying to do Because of this though I learned to love her so much that it was unbreakable as we got older. I looked up to her so much growing up and have always loved her light laughter in a room and sense of humor. She was someone I could talk into doing almost anything with me and visa versa. People would ask as all the time if we were best friends and it would blow there minds when we would say that we were sisters. This didn’t come with our a few heated conversations about hurt feelings but the friendship was stronger because of those times. Sometimes to the point that our husbands would ban us from each other so they could have some sanity around the house....like the house staying some what clean and them having dinner at least once a week. i do feel I should warn you before you read any farther this is not a happy story.....An so it began.....As I slowly watched as my closest friend began to struggle to do the simple things that we would do everyday it started out just being winded all the time. Then she would get head aches that wouldn't go away soon walking around while shopping, lifting things, talking in long phrases became difficult for her. You could tell she was trying to pretend for us all. To make us not get scared or think the worst. We all watched helpless as she was dyeing right before our eyes and we told ourselves that she would get better like she always seemed to do. As you guessed, she didn't, only worse. I would spend a few days a week in the hospital with her when she would be there for 3 weeks and the time away from the hospital became shorter and shorter. Doctors started trying to tell the family that she was getting to the end....we did want to hear that. She still looked happy, look at her smile, she still tells jokes and NEVER just lies in bed like "I am dyeing look at me help me" so some how we could tell ourselves that it wasn't real. It became very real for me one night as I was scratching her back...she loves that. That there was something horribly wrong. She would take a deep breath and her lungs would contract, vibrate when they would inhale and exhale....I sat in the dark and cried. I was shocked, like an alarm going off at 3am in the morning, she was suffering beyond anyone of us could even imagine. I then remember her words to me a few weeks before that..."Nikkii I want you try to understand its HARD for me to be here....and if Heavenly Father wants me to be healed I will be and if not I can rest." I realized "here" was Earth and that "rest" was how much she was burdened with everyday here on earth and then releasing that and dyeing. I reflected on the images I had in my memories of her. It was mostly laughing and her hilarious expressions and quickly started into the images of her suffering through the years. I wanted to help her find that spark back the one we played all those years with. She was becoming dull from years of handling the pressures of her illness. She is such an example…. right up to the end she smiled and endured. And with the council from my parents, in the moments that I found out Jamie was dyeing at the Pittsburgh hospital, I pleaded to my Father in Heaven through the Savior for all the things that I may have done in my life, for her to have the strength to live and for the strength for me to endure if she didn't. I tried to think of a life with out her brightness and laugh. I didn’t focus on that and became to understand what my father and mother had said to me on the phone, " Heavenly Father loves her more then you or I could EVER imagine. If she is going to live it will be because he wanted her to." As most of you know she did receive a miracle, she beat her odds, she had the strength to fight and she became a small part of herself again, at a price…her donor, who I think some people forget when they think of a transplant. Jamie NEVER does. I try to never forget. Every time my sister takes a deep breath and laughs, runs a 10 minute mile or rides her horse I am amazed she is here. This past week when she was here she reminded me that there is hardly anyone that post transplant live past 10 years. I fog of fear filled my heart, a fog of insecurity and uncertainty. I looked at Jamie and thought she has never been a certainty or the "normal". She is her logo…Super Jamie and what a great strength to be around. Someone gave her wings to be this hero. I got a call today that she had to go back to
Become an organ donor today. Save up to 8 lives.....and in the words of Jamie "be some ones hero!"