Would you like Jell-o with that?

I had forgotten how yummy this childhood treat is! Recently, I decided to go on this "No sugar" Diet for a few weeks to see what I could trim off my arms, waist and inner thy before my Ballet performance in May. It was funny how your mind talks you into how much you NEED sugar. I replaced my naughty treats for more natural one like fruit and honey. The jello was in place of desserts after meals. It was hard and sadly, really didnt see any changes on the scale after a full two weeks. I felt trimmer. On a side note we celibrated with a FREE day were we ended up spending close to 50 dollars on CRAP because we had soooo many treats we had wanted to eat. So the lesson I am taking from this is....Low sugar is a better way to go. I think part of me just wanted to see if I could do it. I like challenges. So now my next quest is to try the low sugar and add a "low carb" diet for a week to see what that does. Its been interesting to try to think of ways to eat things I like more healthy like; tacos and sandwiches ect. I won't see dramatic results in one week but I think I will get down into the twenties. This is where I was before I had my second baby. I'm just looking to firm up some of the last parts of my body that "yes" seem weird for me to be complaining about. I have been told I am ALREADY thin. But I DO have to see myself in a leotard every other day in wall to wall mirrors and every pound I have extra I carry in every leap and bound across the floor. Haaa. The joys for being in love with a demanding art form. So to the average women I seem careless and OC. I would invite my accusers to stand in my stead and see if you don't want to knock a few pounds off for good measure. I knew that Ballet was in my soul and blood at a very young age. Its been a love hate relationship, one that I will never be happy with until I mastered my body and mind. Created a world within it for myself. A space I could be a peace with. This is why I am in my 30s and still dancing. I hope to be dancing when I am 80. The child within me will never die if I feed it and play....bottoms up to the childish treat of Jell-O. jiggle jiggle

Within

Here is one of my new pieces of art work. In the past few weeks I have been battling a few things. "Within"is obviously a picture of myself; it reflects me as Adult with ADHD. Also a mother who has started to see signs of this in her daughter. ADHD was horrible to me in the public school system and socially. I felt helpless to peoples judgments at my in ability to control my focus and my actions. Reticule and abandonment was often too much the response I received from my family members, peers and teachers. People just could figure me out, who could blame them, I couldn't even figure me out. At a very young age I began to know it also was a gift. A wonderful gift of the ability to create, think outside of the box; do things differently then everyone else. My mind could create things some people could only watch in movies or read in books. I began to use different forms of Art as a way to step out of the world and into my own safe place. I found safe places to stand so I could breath in my own skin with out being scared to stand tall. Another gift was the being able to love people so much; I would cry if they cried, feel their sorrow and see them for them for who they really are. In so many words to "Love Much". Over the years of people hurting me and taking advantage of this in me I lost it. I am now seeking to find this beautiful child that I lost so many years ago to this hard world. I feel this represents this battle, one I hope I can help my daughter through without loosing her beautiful wings.

(I will be posting some more art work later of the other thoughts I have been processing in my life lately.)

Meme

Friendship is like a BOOK. It takes a few seconds to burn, but it takes years to write.

In the past two weeks since my best friends returned from her trip to Cali I have really wanted to go and see her. Its weird how you just know when you need a curtain friends championship. So I began talking with her about going to see her and when would be a good time. We came to the conculition that it may be too difficult at this time with my kids and her schedule to get something going. Plus My Man wasn't too hott on the idea of being alone all weekend. But again the feeling came this past weekend and I can't really explain why I just feel this aching to go. I decided to ride down on the shuttle that my aunt works at because its a good deal and I can relax for most of the trip. I began the process of finding the sitters to watch my kids for the first of the week so that I could stay long enough to make the trip worth going. With no avail I hit a road block and was looking at not being able to go with out dumping my beautiful children on already over whelmed friends and family. I kept thing "I guess you really don't have to go...it is just a spur of the moment trip." I listed under the fact I had not seen her in a few months. I now know that it is something more then that. I have often went several months without seeing her and never really thought to much about the time duration between our visits. Almost as if knowing "I will see her soon..." But this time is different. This morning I received a call for her mother. Urgently asking me to call her back when I got her message. As I said "hello", she began to tell me to not worry about a thing and that she would watch the kids so that I could go see her daughter. Floored because her mother is always busy. This is a women who works most of the time until 2 am in the morning to make sure everything is squared away with business and even takes business on vacations with her to get it done. I gladly excepted. Beaming I called my bestee to tell her (part of me knew she was behind it) she told me over the phone..."I can tell in your voice that you need to come stay with me". She is a childhood friend that has known me through so many different periods of times in my life. They sometimes can see and hear things you have chosen not to listen to. It tugged at my hearts strings and I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. Pausing for a moment feeling that warmth. Its hard to explain the love I have always had for Meme. She is always amazed me with her quick wit, strength to bare her trials and find herself through self reflection. Many things that most people do not do at all or not very gracefully she does all the time. Her "Because life is hard and then you die" attitude has helped me realize its always going to be hard. Life is just hard but you can let yourself be molded when you are tested or let it make you hard. She has became so much more then what I thought she would be when we where in high school. Although I loved her and knew she was strong I feared for her testimony going into the harsh world. She blows me away every time I talk with her about her ideas and thoughts on life. Teaching me through simple things how to manage through the crap life can dish out. I can not wait to spend time just paling around, having 2 hours talks about just one idea.....to a man that sounds HORRIBLE! To a girl that is how we cope, learn and heal. I love my friends and think of them all often. I hold my friends dear and cultivate my friendships as much as I can, with out my husband saying "OK I am here too!"...Hahahaha. Below are a few pictures of my creative and talented close friend.

Meme is a spectacular Jazz and Hip Hop dancer/teacher. She started taking Ballet with me when she lived closer and was improving so much that we took the same classes and she had no problem keeping up. She always pushes herself to be the best at whatever she tries.

In one of my older posts I have a section where I talk about going to see her perform this summer with her new band. She has a beautiful voice, we sung together throughout high school and after. Just recently she decided she was going to learn how to play the acoustic and electric guitar. She is doing so good that she keeps up with the other girls in her band that have been playing longer. She has even started giving me a run for my money on playing with her too. I have had to start practicing more trying to get up so we can play together when we see each other.

Where oh where has my hip joint gone....

Ok so normally my posts are usually about my family and things we have been doing and LOTS of pictures. But every once in a while I actually use this blog for what I intended it to be and that is a space for me to document my life. So this week is one of those times that I will try to reclaim myself and speak of the thoughts in my mind.

First off, Yes, the picture above is of me....I am sure you all knew that if you know me at all but just encase there is someone reading this blog for the first time I have a love/hate relationship with the art form Classical Ballet. This started pre-teen and pretty much has consumed my extra time since. I have a bio but no need to get that formal ha ha ha. Anyways, I have never really had any injuries from dancing up until I TURNED 30! Then I just started falling apart. I nursed a big toe fracture or what I decided had to have been something pretty bad because it took 6 months to heal. No one could figure out why the blasted thing hurt all time and was super weak. After some family members mentioned bunions (A dancer worse nightmare) I freaked and thought for sure I was doomed to live a life of pain until I went under the knife. So I set out to seek the professionals. Little did I know they no NOTHING about ballet but I am sure they know ALOT about sports injuries. Hmmmm. The thought has come to mind that this dilemma maybe because I live in a remote area where ART is a thing a child makes in school and it couldn't possible be a REAL job. So Doctors here just look at you with that glazed look in their eye like....Really mmm, so you say you can't go UP on your big toe in "what do you call them" TOE shoes. (Just to clarify, I did said Pointe Shoes twice but they say what they have been taught). Which then leads to well ....much of nothing because after a few x-rays and manipulations they tell you in their words...what your momma always said .... "maybe you should stop doing that if it hurts." Lucky me it finally healed on its own and I was in hallelujah for a few months until just this past Oct my hip socket started killing me when I would bend over and my extension went from past my shoulder to 90 degrees without pain. So I, of course, thought I had pulled muscle. Thought it would pass decided to just dance lighter. You can probably tell from the tone of this entry it has not.... here we are 3 MONTHS later and I still have pain. Ive been sitting on ice, had 4 Chiropractic appointments...one full one hour massage and a few half ones from My Man. Thats not including the daily racket ball massages into my galoots! (By the way THAT freaking hurts) Only then did I get some relief for 1 week until I started dancing again! My STUPID hip with not stay in position. Largely I think this is do to having 2 babies. My hips just move more since this last one who is now 20 mths. I had such anxiety about turning 30....and who could blame me after whats happened now that I have turn this rotten age...to which dancers HATE. I guess its just one more trial in my book of challenges with this Art form. One more thing to figure out and concur. Things I work on in every class I teach and take. With the hopes to one day to be all that I set out to be at age 11. I decided long ago that even if it takes into my 60's I will still be dancing. What I wonderful life for me.......crack!

The Nightmare Before Christmas

• "What a funny title" is what I know you are all thinking.....hahaha....and you are right is it. But first off, that is one of the shows I just love. I pretty much like anything that is out of the box, well and some things that are in the box too. Just to be honest completely and that is me I cant lie worth crap. Even as an actress.....you would think I would not suck at not telling the truth. sadly this has been my lot in life but I bare it proudly...hahaha. Ok to get to the Second point or the REAL reason now, I Just thought it was funny that I still had not posted about Ol Hollows Eve and here it is Christmas! So I am going to play catch up. So you will have to scroll through the horror to get the to the Blessed Holiday we just celebrated as a family.

Here is some of my decor for the holiday

Master Bedroom

Living Room

I put these little guys into every lantern I owed

Our outsides was also decorated here is my little princess sitting by one of the trees we decorated with ghost's and orange lights.

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Nana came in for the holiday and for D and Mj's birthday

Here we are at the trunk R treat

Mj had snack for her birthday party at her preschool....She brought little planets with there own astronauts on them...hahahaha

Bo after we trick or treated some. I took this in a pitch black car and this was the picture I got! What a cutie.

Really intense....as always

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My Starnna came to see me at the first of November.....a long awaited trip. We has so much fun we went on a date with one of D's friends from work. It was super fun. Well that was until we decided to take the 68 Camero.

Here we are happily driving..when all of a sudden...

THE BRAKES LOCKED UP as we were getting of the interstate! We saw are life flash before our eyes and it made for a very interesting conversion. One we will remember for a life time.

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Mj and My Mans Birthdays!

Number 5.....awha.

Number.......drum roll......32!

WOW this is a horrible picture of ME I am so looking my age....hahaha....but we cleaned up our massive yard before it snowed the next day....we were SUPER lucky. It was a huge job but made easier with my brothers "leaf picker upper" you hook to your lawn mower....yah I dont know the name of that.

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8 Years as of November 30th! "Yah, 5 happy years" (My Mans favorite joke when anyone asks how long we have been married)

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My Grandpa on my mother side turned the big 80~ so they had a family bash. Here is my two childhood buddies.....well Ja was irritated by me when I was little but we became super close after I was in high school. And the other girl is my bestee cousin. She is expecting and ended up having her water brake two months early and is sitting in a hospital room as of two weeks ago and they think she will have to say 6 more weeks there. CRAZY. I pray for her and her baby to be healthy and ok.

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FAMILY PHOTOS

TOO many to choose from!

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Oh Christmas Tree....

The stocking where hung by the chimney with care......

CHRISTMAS MORNING 2010

This Christmas is the start of many for my children. Mj is old enough to 'get it', she is super excited. Have to say, I may be more excited then her to see her face in the morning. I love the tradition of Santa. Someone out there that just LOVES you. Something that I think needs to be thought about more. Thankful for... a beautiful child born in a stable. I know lives, loves me and knows me by name. Merry Christmas and have a Happy New Year!

Just for Nana

We waited to see Santa at the mall this past Saturday .....45 mins later we got to see him. I wouldnt have waited that long but we opened our big mouths and promised the kids they would see Santa that day. So we held up to our end of the deal.

Bo had about had it!

Mj couldnt wait....

Below is my friend and her kiddos they tagged along it was nice to have them it made the wait much easier!

Remembering a Christmas Miracle

Pretty sure I post on this every year for the past three years so sorry if you have began to get bored with it but let me just say before you tune me out and skip through to the end...The reason I post on the every year is because it reminds me of what is important in this holiday season. If you have never had a chance to touch a real miracle this story is for you! Jamie's life is a true story well biography you could say of one miracle after another. A story that I am so thankful to have has a front row seat to all my life. Her sacrifice was my gain as I learned through her hardships how to love more and need less....a lesson I sadly need over and over again. This year I reflected on the letter Jamie wrote to her beloved Donor....(you can read this on her blog) But I am going to post it here and my response. I hope this gives you love in your heart this Christmas season and don't forget to share its warmth with others.

Dear Donor, How I long so much to know your name. I would speak it with much admiration and love. Another year has come and gone and I have taken care of your lungs as I promised. The gift you have given is one that cannot be purchased at any mall or in any store. You gave me the gift of life, the gift of love and the gift of sacrifice. I know this time of year must be difficult for the family you left behind. I think of the presents they had wrapped with your name on them that you never got to open. . . I can only imagine the sorrow they felt December 9th 2007. I honestly think of you every day. I may not know what kind of life you lead or the things you accomplished while you were here on earth, but I am grateful that you chose to be an Organ Donor, my Hero. One of my Christmas wishes every year for the last three, have been peace and blessings upon your family and loved ones. With more sincerity than I could ever express in words I want to tell you how much I love you! I love you and I know I will get to meet you in the next life. That we will be joined as the sisters that we are. I can't wait until I can thank you face to face when we are reunited in Heaven. You are my Angel, my Hero, and my friend.
.....My Response to her post: What a beautiful reminder of what is important in life! I am sitting here crying...I cry every time I think back to how close we where to losing you and how someone else had to die for you to live....it so much like the story of Christ that it just pulls at my heart strings. He was born knowing he would die much like you...then died so all may live....much like your donor died for you so that you might live. I am thankful for being able to see first hand a wonderful true story...a miracle as in the bible times. Love you always even if you are faraway. Mwah!

Part 10-12: The last of the lost memories of the Summer

This is a BIG post .... I caught up so I can start posting some holiday events.

There are a so far a few days in my life that I have wanted to feel special on. My 16th birthday, my wedding, the day my first born came into this world and my 30th Birthday....I know it seems silly but I really was having a harder time then I thought looking into that number. I came to the conclusion I think its because I am a dancer that this number is painful. I had to finally say I am no longer a youngin. Sniff sniff.....after a good deep breath I told my husband that I would like something really special this year so I can feel young again. So this is how my wonderful birthday went ...(from the greatest honey ever).

We were getting ready for the parade this year. Ja had come in early and so we decided that we wanted to hold on to our tradition to ride in the parade. D had went to IF to get a part for is car and drop it off while us girls got some of the final things for the parade stuff. We were just getting back when D called and said hay I just dropped that part off Ill come out to moms and come see you. This made me freakin excited because he NEVER volunteers to come out to my parents. I thought he must really be trying to be sweet to me for my birthday. And was I ever right. He pulled up and I came out with my mom. He said turn around I have something for you......My mother was looking into my eyes and said "Oh honey your going to like this it going to be so fun" I turned around to see this little bum hiding behind D and sure as the stars I knew who it was before she ever popped her cute little face out. My best friend Elise. (picture above) I wept for joy and excitement. I couldn't belive that she was really here. I will never forget that day. It was such a surprise. And it wasn't even my birthday yet .........

After the parade was over which you will see those pictures below. D had my sister and Elise detracted my all day and take me to the fair. We had just gotten in when ja and Danni disappeared. Called my sister and she told me she had to run home to get her meds. So Elise and I walked around having fun laughing and playing with her daughter. Elise tried several times to get me to go home (D was trying to get her to bring me home) and each time I could come up with a logical reason why we didnt need to. Finally D called and said that Mindee had come over and wanted to see me and was waiting at the house. So we went home. Right away they said Mindee wanted to see D's handy work in the basement so we headed downstairs. (I still have not clued in AT ALL by this point). When we get in the hall way I look over in the door way and there are all my friends! SURPRISE!! Yah, it was pretty cool. Plus us girls got to have a night of youth. D made me an Angel food cake, had refreshments, the whole nine yards and took the kids THE WHOLE DAY! And it wasn't even my birthday yet.....

Then he had the family over the next day on Sunday for ice cream. Got some money to get my curling iron and the boots I ve been wanting. I was SUPER spoiled. And it wasn't even my birthday yet.....

Needless to say when Monday finally rolled around and it WAS my birthday I told My Man if he celebrated me turning 30 one more time I was going to vomit...haha. So he got to watch BSU FOOTBALL on my birthday for being so amazing to me. But later that night Amy came and stole me away. We went and I had ice cream. We were going to go to the fair but we decided it was TOO late. I love my honey and all my friends and family for making this birthday one I will NEVER forget.

Us dressed up as kids riding Carousel Horses.

Mj watching the parade with My Man, Elise and her family.

We had a campfire earlier in the week. We wanted to roast some marshmallows and hot dogs while it was still warm here. Here is me and my sisters friend from AZ that has NEVER been to Idaho~

My sister the charmer

We also went to see Delores in Utah. Funny story, we were packed and headed to see D's mom in Boise. When I asked D if he had talked to his mom? He said No, Ill call her when we stop. 30 mins into the trip he did and SHE WAS IN UTAH! Yah, "men" I tell you what they do not know how to plan ahead....

Here we are on the Alpine slide in Park City.

Look at all of us we could so be professionals don't you think?


Watching the high skiers flip into the pool. It was crazy! They get so HIGH in the air before they land in the pool.

Ja came in! We went to MceDs it was Ja's favorite place while growing up. It isn't now but the kids needed food!


We of course had to go to the Fair. We even watch my friend Mee mee play in her band again.

And we went again and this time with my friend Krissy Fur.

Mj petting a cow...wow.

D sporting his new sades....(side note D finally let me talk him into a COWBOY hat ladies!) Ill try to get a picture of him in it to post.

D workin on the basement I talked about earlier. He is such a man...or a dork...I still haven't decided.


One the coolest things we did this summer was go to Lagoon with Mee mee and her family.

It was a blast! We loved every second of it. We even took are camper and it was so nice to have it to sleep in instead of tents.

D having TOO much fun.

Getting some sun!

Look how big he is getting!

Mee mee and I playin guitars while its raining

Our second day in the park. Mj loves to take pictures!

Our first day in the park we did Lagoon Beach and the kids rides.


One day she will drive!....wow.

Sniff...sniff.

Bo screamed when I tried to take him out of the car ....hehe.....he loved that ride. Totally flipped out!

Keagan is such a gentlemen Mee mees boy he totally helped Mj get in this ride. Too cute.


What a fun summer I wish I could do it all again and miss the winter.....boo hoo. I guess I will just have to tough out the cold this year with memories that were this Hott!